I've never felt more panicked and frustrated in China then when dealing with a Chinese ambulance and medics in an emergency last summer.

I was studying at a university in a mid-sized fairly modern Chinese city, living in an international dorm. Pulling up in a taxi after a long night out, my friend and I saw our classmate pacing frantically in front of the dorm gate yelling into a cell phone. We were quickly filled in on the situation: someone had alcohol poisoning. He was unresponsive. They had called an ambulance. It hadn't come. It had been over thirty minutes.

There were two hospitals in the city, and neither was that far away. We had called in the middle of the night so traffic should not have been a factor. No one had ever told us that a Chinese ambulance could take over an hour to get to a destination.

The ambulance took about an hour and a half to get there. We had already woken up the doorman who agreed to keep the door unlocked (international dorms are often over secure). The ambulance pulled up next to the gate by the entrance of our dorm. The gate, only a few meters from the door, was locked to cars, but people could easily enter. Despite our urging, the medics refused to leave the ambulance and walk a few meters to the door through the gate. They told us we would have to get the gate open in order for them to enter. We had to find a second guard, farther away, to unlock the gate, which took another twenty minutes or so.

The medics finally entered the building. The student who needed help was on the third floor. We tried to urge the paramedics up the stairs but they refused and insisted on taking the elevator. The elevator, of course, was achingly slow. What surprised me was their complete lack of urgency and compromise and general apathy towards the situation. At the hospital, I heard later, the doctors wouldn't see the student in trouble until the emergency room fees were paid (at least 3000 RMB, usually more).

This story is a particularly bad emergency room case, however it carries some important lessons.

1) Safety first

Don't get alcohol poisoning, don't get hurt, look both ways, etc. But seriously, be careful people.

2) Know your hospital

It's important to know how far you are from the nearest hospital and whether the closest hospital has an English-clinic. Clinics for foreigner are often nicer and easier, especially if you don't have a Chinese friend to accompany you.

3) Avoid the ambulance

Do you really think Chinese traffics jams will part for an ambulance? Ambulances can take over an hour to respond so take a taxi or ask a friend to drive you. Do not call an ambulance unless it is completely necessary. If you do call an ambulance, know landmarks near your house to help them find your address. Ambulances, like taxis, will not be able to magically find your apartment without help.

4) Bring a friend fluent in Chinese

Find a Chinese friend (or an extremely capable expat friend) to accompany you to the hospital and help with the emergency call. Your Chinese may be reasonable but a fluent friend is necessary in an emergency situation: there is no time for miming or misunderstanding.

5) Allergy vocabulary

Are you allergic to penicillin? Get out that Chinese dictionary and look it up. Now memorize it.

6) Bring cash

You will often not be able to be seen by a doctor or checked into an emergency room without paying first. Emergency room fees will run you 3000 RMB to 10000 RMB.

7) Medicine store for minor ailments

There are no doctor's clinics in China, so if you are sick you have to make the choice whether to go to the hospital or try to find a cure at an over-the-counter pharmacy, which is often hospital strength. I have found it to be magic on a bad cold, so skip the doctor's visit unless it's serious.

Accidents happen, and it's important in China to be aware of the specific characteristics of the Chinese medical emergency system. Be that overcautious expat when it comes to hospitals and don't mess around with your health.